brave! The pic says it all #badass!

heartbreak coma girl - kiss my tukhus :)

If you have me? you brag about me, you show me off. You tell everyone and their mother about me.

I don't care what you can do for me. I don't care how much money you spend or make. I don't care about all the cool places you could take me to ( I've probably been to more countries than you have)

If you have me? You take care of me, my heart. you MAKE me happy with your kindness love and spirit because that's what you do when you care. didn't anyone teach you that? probably not. hide ME? are you insane?!

 how would anyone get past something like that unless your self esteem is like....minus 100? I've just never heard of it.  you hide things you're embarrassed about. You can't be friends with someone who thinks like that. There are women that take that BS though. they'll tweet knowing they'll be ignored. write on FB pages gushing and declaring their love....knowing they'll be ignored....at least publicly. that's what you want? to make people that care about you feel that small? No thanks. I don't want to know you. you're so nice and positive an awesome in every other way it makes a person WANT to forget that you've behaved in a way that could completely demolish a girls self esteem. and never apologized for it. or admitted you lied (seriously??)

believe me, you have no idea how hard and good I  love. I would have made you my world. If you still had me. and its with pleasure I remove myself from your life. which shouldn't be a huge deal since you made sure people hardly knew I was in it.
This is NOT me hoping anything to works out. im disgusted I entertained it this long. I dont want to be your lover, your girlfriend your friend...nothing. this is 'operation: forget you'

Kiss my *ss.
Heartbreak coma girl.

Devious Maids

Omg I LOVE the title alone. I just know.....well I Hope (unless it totally blows major ass) that i'm gonna get hooked on this! Im such a fan of Marc Cherry! His sense of humor and the shows he is behind have always on point.  id love to be on it (cross fingers hehe:)

But alas until my actress dreams come true and Marc gives me a ring saying 'Hailee.....I had the wrong number to you! wanna be on the show?!' i'll tune in for the premier an fall inlove with yet another badass show by Mr Cherry :)
check out summary here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devious_Maids

Grumpy Cat!

"give me the finest bowl of your tears!"
This is SO funny!
My new Obsession :)

Heartbreak coma girl -It's just pictures.

it was such a good time. a romantic valentines weekend would have been the perfect ending,(and ironically would have been my first valentines weekend with anyone too. honestly, my life is a Greek tragedy). But I don't think  I can even do that. this really sucks. I miss you. my body misses you.
I really liked you.
shit.

they were my Memories too. thats why what you said hurt. they were for me, not them. not her.
but at the end of the day, they were just pictures. I still remember for now:)

its cool.

"My last lover" by Hailee Araya aka heartbreak coma girl

Heartbreak coma girl.

I noticed him from afar. His locks, the way he moved to music. He was sweet.
He didn't instantly capture my soul or anything. He was just interesting...there was something strong
and passionate in him, I could tell.
He was fascinating to watch.
I remember him standing by next to me so they wouldn't bother me. It was packed in this club we met in.
musicians everywhere. They left him out somehow, his click. I never understood why.
He courted me, over a week or two. Called me just to chat...I never really knew what to say, This was new to me....
I guess I was used to guys treating me like crap and not interested in what I had to say. but he did.
or was he playing a game? pulling me in for the big KO? or was the fact that I was so suspicious of his 'niceguy' behavior a testament to just how paranoid and ruined I was?
I am paranoid- alarmingly so. sometimes I wonder where I will end up with that. maybe a mad cat woman with her children looking out for her? assuming I ever have children that is.
One day he came over my work place and kissed me. it was electric and we didn't want to let each other go.
a few days after that I mentioned I liked the water, so he took me by the water and kissed me some more.
Making love was inevitable. I had to have him and I loved it. I even loved the part where he broke my heart,
I was miserable but it was all a part of a cycle for me. Im convinced nothing lasts. make me fall hard, and break me hard...I expect it.
but id like to stop expecting it. Id like to get past faze one...and continue on to the next one. you know...the part where his friends become your friends and vice versa. The part where...you vacation together, have dinner together in your PJs (sexy PJ's on my part)..
That's another thing...for someone who pursues men who no doubt will lead to devastation, being a 'girlfriend' is something Id be killer in. As in, the idea of doting on someone...makes me happy. The idea of being in love, sexy lingerie, cooking, having him cook for me, making him smile, waking up next to someone....
I like it. I just never let it get there because the facts are, im afraid of commitment.
My last lover was beautiful...and he hurt my heart. I knew it was coming but its hard to estimate how bad the damage would be and he nearly stoped my heart.
I stayed in love for the first year without him. the next two years without him were prolonged detox. I cant even remember that one year there...I was so drugged up and a self induced heartbreak' coma i literally remember my joint, music, poetry, tears, dancing...more tears.
I was hurting so bad I was sure i would never recover.
until one day....I realised it had been a while since I thought of him. it just happens like that...when you get over someone.

My last lover....he hurt. He shut me down for years. and now, I'm realising how long he had been my last lover. only because I'm thinking of you as my new one. you're nothing like him. You're so beautiful, kind and...perfect. I adore your flaws and you don't seem to mind mine either :)
So i suppose its only natural for me to think about my last one.
I don't even know how to approach you differently. I don't know how to NOT expect you to break my heart.
I don't know how to be your lover without being cynical. skeptical. worried, afraid.
I don't even know how to be around you without smiling all the time. you make me smile. I want to kiss you constantly. the thought of making love to you is so charged i feel like id see the sun for the first time after it. you bring the sun with you. I want to spend days loving you, doting on you, touching you, kissing you everywhere. People would look at you envious. people would look at you wanting what you have. we'd show them what it actually looks like....love.
BUT...I don't know how to part with the sorrow within myself.
Ive grown reluctantly attached to it from all the times my heart broke. now its this vicious cycle.
I'm afraid i will work towards what i am used to. The cycle. you're going to have to outsmart me there buddy.
you know...stick around even when I suck. Stick around even when you don't get me.
part of the evil cycle is that 'stop' button I created years ago...I cant find it but I'm sure you can.
stick around. I still believe in love. so stick around. Love me. i promise I'm worth it.


Love
/Heartbreak-coma girl.

The truth about LOVE

o boy....when I go to this place...I'm in a world of confusion. LOVE...what does it look like....feel like?
is it what I think it is or something else?
I only come here when Im writing. I want to deliver love songs that will shake your world. maybe im kidding myself when i think i'll manage that but its still my goal. because i honestly think you deserve what I think it is.
His eyes, his smile, his touch....love is supposed to give you the right to drink in someone from head to toe.
To want every single part of them. To want to KNOW what every part of him/her feels like. To need, to miss, to want, to believe, to cry, to recover....and be reborn in his/her arms. Yes its a scary place but thats where magic lives. you will  NEVER be complete until you know this kind of love. the kind of love where the other person knows enough to destroy what you THINK is the negative you...but doesn't. the kind of love where....they know the dark side of you but infect it with light. the kind of love where....they see you....and they LOVE every inch of you. again and again...every night until you understand....you are his/her world. and thats all that matters.

Sex. It can be...a whatever thing for some. but two human beings uniting in that way...is anything but 'whatever'.
its a gateway to a world that is parallel to ours,....you feel joy, pain, power, weakness, lust, sorrow , earth and sky ALL AT ONCE.
for you to simplify something as intense as uniting yourself physically with another human being is doing yourself a great disservice. because it is so very powerful.

what is love? I don't know. I know what it looks like to me. When Im in love....you cant touch me. Im on top the world and tall enough to see the universe and then some.

It makes me want to kiss my man anytime I can. and if its not appropriate to kiss him...I kiss him anyway. Its always right to kiss him. he is mine..i want to touch him all the time. his face, his lips...his hands....i NEED to touch him to know im alive...to know HE is alive. to know our love is real.
Id want him ten times a day, if not more...id see the heaven and universe in his touch, and id never get enough. Id need him to get up and need him again to go to sleep.
His happiness would be the most important thing for me, cause he does the same for me. he makes sure im smiling....because he knows he is what i need TO smile.
love looks...fair, kind, real, honest, powerful, intense, sexual, romantic, surreal....real....sad, happy, tolerant, sufficient....more than you thought it would be....more than it ever should be.
it should never be this strong... but it is. it should never make you this....crazy. but it does-

the high you should be when you're in love....there should be NO words for. I KNOW this to be true about love. and that's my truth,



thats all.