Film/tv series review

...super short reviews lol.



In Treatment Developed by rodrigo Garcia starring Gabriel Byrne as Dr Paul Weston....this show was amazing! its 2 seasons and you just learn so much from listening in on Dr Westons patients.
There is one character in particular i learned alot from,
and you will too. From all his patience, one will touch on subjects that you can identify with on some level and thats what makes this show so good. you watch because the way he helps the characters connect dots...you really cant help but to pay attention and try to apply his advise to your own life...even if 'Dr Weston" is created by a team of writers...:)

Now im checking out the Ladies detective Agency.
Just started the series but it seems pretty interesting, starring Jill Scott

thanksgiving summary and a dream report:)

You know those dreams where you actually realize that you're dreaming? well yesterday I dreamt that i was flying over mountains..like the ones you'd see in places like Alaska or Sweden..and it was super cold so deff winter time. so anyway, I realised i was flying and i got so..HAPPY and stressed.. almost like i was scared the awareness would yank me out of my dream:( So i touched the ground for a sec..it was cold under my feet but i liked it...anyway i cant be scared AND fly. So i collected myself...and its kinda crazy that even in my dreams where I'm toying with a reality created by my mind only...im defiant lol . I actually remember thinking if i wake up its gonna be AFTER I  stop fearing it. it was such a beautiful dream that i got....offended that fear was there clouding it. So I shook it off and started flying again...till the moment i woke up! and i went... everywhere:) I just feel like there is some message in knowing our minds can do that. I didn't even feel solid...i just felt like energy connected to everything.  i KNEW i was in bed 'sleeping' on some level but... i just didn't care. i was on a journey. I am on a journey.  and i really think the message was that we cannot bloom or fly if we give into fear.
just had to share:)

And of course thanksgiving. The day was spent with Project Abel http://projectabel.blogspot.com/,
in the afternoon I went to a lovely thanksgiving dinner at a friends house.
 it was DELICIOUS!!! thank you to my wonderful friends that had me over....love you !!!!
I was raised in mostly in Europe but also in Ethiopia so I've never really celebrated Thanksgiving. To be frank its history bothers me quite a bit but the word 'Thanksgiving' is something im very attached to. I tell my family I love them everyday. Im thankful for my blessings Everyday. Thanksgiving is something is a part of my life everyday.

Halloween Poetry                           

                                          Emily Dickinson

                  The Inner World

I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,
A service like a drum
Kept beating, beating, till I thought
My mind was going numb. And then I heard them lift a box,
And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead,
Then space began to toll

As all the heavens were a bell,
And Being but an ear,
And I and silence some strange race,
Wrecked, solitary, here And then a plank in reason, broke,
And I dropped down and down—

And hit a world at every plunge

And finished knowing then

                                                                                                        

Halloween goodies and Drinks!

Here are just a couple of my MANY favorite recipes for Halloween. I'll probably post a few more. I found them online,
and have posted the Link for you as well so you can look around and see what else you like there!

http://www.waitrose.com/home/recipes/recipe_directory/h/halloween_cupcakes_with_chocolate_fudge_icing.html




These are AWESOME!

http://www.food.com/recipe/severed-fingers-halloween-cookies-135850





HALLOWEEN DRINKS!!


Eyeballs Halloween Cocktail

http://www.divinedinnerparty.com/halloween-cocktail-recipes.html

Mulled Red Wine

(really does look like blood when served)

                                    

               http://www.delish.com/recipefinder/mulled-red-wine-muscovado-sugar-recipe

DrinkoftheWeek.com  has some really cool looking drinks  for Halloween as well as the pics above show. I love how creative people get with EVERYTHING when focused. its like everyone who thinks they don't have a creative bone in their body FORGET what they think....and just...do it.

SO excited to see peoples outfits and see people get into the Halloween spirit! FUN!!!

http://www.drinkoftheweek.com/blog/spooky-halloween-cocktails/ check it out and find your favorite spooky drink!!

Happy Halloween!!!

Mad Men (season 4 spoiler)

A little Review on an episode before i post some recipes for Halloween:)
I never catch this when its on TV so i just get the DVD when i get the chance hence my late review on it:)
Joan Holloway

Season 4 Finale :
I love that 'Joan' is the one apologizing when she gets pregnant by 'Roger'

 I need to say that i actually love this character....she's a survivor and runs her bees  so she is far from passive. But in scenes like this...you can tell that alot of times even the strongest of women would back down. not all women mind you...i just think those times would have been hard on any woman today.

 I do not look down or mean to disrespect any women from those days nor am i trying to suggest that they were all miserable prisoners of men. I don't think so at all. But this particular scene is agitating. there are several great things about women then that i think is unfortunately not considered as important today  like family values  and mostly, cooking. nobody COOKS anymore uggghhh men or women. Its like...not 'in' or somethin...its all about eating 'out' now.
I've cooked for as long as i can remember and so does my family. we're  no chefs but we're not lost in a kitchen. not at all.
and cooking at home is both healthier and less expensive that eating breakfast lunch and dinner out. Even if you're in a position to do it...i just dont believe in too much of...anything.

Obviously the character didn't up and get herself pregnant. People were generally less concerned about condoms so this isn't more HIS or HER fault. its equal. they both knew pregnancy is a possibility when they had unprotected sex. umm....why is SHE sorry? why isn't he sorry for  not...umm...removing himself (lol) on time? why isn't he sorry that she may need to go through an abortion?  douchebag.  or should she considered herself blessed to have  his eye to begin with?
why? i feel its because she's 'supposed' to be sorry. and I think considering her environment at the time, a part of her may genuinely blame herself...but that just further supports that she was conditioned to think so as it is JUST NOT POSSIBLE for a woman's pregnancy..to be only her fault. yes?
I'm always open to new thoughts and learning so I'm not stating facts, just thoughts that came to me from this scene.

THANK YOU to ALL the women that made sure we have a voice today.
I am so happy to see women unafraid  and making space for themselves. You all inspire me and I know you will keep changing things for the better for women, as i hope to do.

Mad Men is one of the best shows out there right now, and I think the writers do a great job.
it makes me think about these things. I would say it provokes alot of female viewers all over the world lol. Its definitely the kind of show i'd like to be on. the characters they write seem so real...the bohemic Midge..sort of a hippie female character that i think intrigues Don.
OR Joyce...very independent lesbian character who is friend with Peggy Olson.
I like how outspoken Joyce is and she is deff NOT ok with people being in her business.ever.
The secretary Don Draper ends up getting engaged to at the end of season for is ...interesting. at first i found her to be passive and boring. I think her character is plain but the more we got to see of her, we realized she's really not another submissive secretary. but I dont know if she is strong enough for Don draper...he's really not an easy guy to deal with. I prefer him back with Betty or if he started a new thing with Peggy...her i LOVE. she is so smart, outspoken, confident. The only thing that saddens me is while i understand she felt that was necessary (and maybe it was) but she shouldn't have had to carry the burden of how her pregnancy situation played out, on her own.

both her and Joan are different but similar in the sense that they are strong women. But when it came down to something like 'pregnancy' they felt that they had to handle that on their own...however they handled it. just makes me sad. So many women die trying to get an abortion in secret..or they cant have kids anymore cause it wasn't done right.
it shouldn't be that way.
So anyway, while i don't agree with the extremes certain advocates for female rights go to to make a point today or in the past at time,
 think about how far back this goes for a second: even female roles were played by male actors Way back...cause a women couldn't be trusted to even portray female roles right!...i mean come on fellas..yea some advocates for women's rights take it too far but,don't act like you guys didn't start shit lol. you totally did.

Samhain, Halloween, Film tips!

Halloween is such a fun night! Being a nut job myself i naturally vibe on crazy so Halloween appeals to me in MANY ways lol
i don't always feel 'halloween'...on Halloween though..so in the past I've been kinda whatever on doing anything but when i really get in the mood for that, i like elaborate outfits! like...seriously elaborate. I even check out BEST COSTUME competitions online to get ideas lol.
So i can def get in the mood. I think its history is very cool. Halloween was called Samhain in the old days and comes from the Ireland area created by a group of people called Celts about 2000 years ago. I should say that I've always been fascinated by Ireland's history. And Scotland as well for that matter. As an artist and actress i just go crazy for their tales of  *druids and *Bersekers but Ireland is in general very rich in history. I hope to visit soon!

So, when formed it was a festival to mark the end of October and gathering of harvest for the winter. It was preparation for the 'dark' months to come. The Celts also believed that ghosts would come on October 31st and scare people so they decided it would be best to look even scarier lol. well it became tradition...i just assumed the whole scary bit was to scare or blend in with the ghosts.
I was a curious little girl so i was all over this stuff when i was 12...and I'm a little disappointed that i don't always make a fuss about Halloween...it IS pretty cool.

Anyways, So when the Romans conquered the area the Celts lived The Romans combined 2 festivals they had : one that paid respects to the dead, and one honoring the goddess of harvest, and combined it with the Celts samhain.

In the 7th century Pope Boniface IV declared November 1st 'All saints day' . October 31st became 'all hollows eve' which eventually became Halloween. pretty cool.

and now Its almost Halloween! are you dressing up? As what? got Any cool ideas on costumes for meeee? cant think of any ideas im especially excited about YET so hit me with Musiiiiic <3 ..sorry, had a bob Marley moment lol.
 hit me with ideas if u got any for me!

I was gonna bail and keep working but I've almost decided completely against it. I wanna celebrate it!

*Pagan is a term used to describe a wide group of people that practice modern religious movements such as Wicca and Neo-druidism which actually originated in Britain in the 18th century by people who of course took guidance from Celtic history.

*Druids were ...well in theory many things. Some say they were priests with magical powers, and others say they were evil and sacrificed anything from animals to humans in their rituals.
they were an educated group of people from musicians to writers to poets

*Bersekers were warriors who fought in extreme rage called the berserkergang. this is also where the term 'going beserk' comes from.

MOVIE TIPS!

Naturally i have to include my favorite films for Halloween.
Im generally not big on remakes so All titles below are the original for this post.


Top Halloween flicks:                                                                  

-The nightmare before Christmas
-corpse bride                                                I <3 jack! these two Tim Burton's flicks are almost 
                                                                              always on TV during Halloween.

Beetle Juice                                      An awesome family Halloween film that
                                                                  I still remember with a smile from my childhood.
Hocus Pocus                                     sarah JP, Bette Midler and Cathy Najimy are badass!


Texas Chainsaw Massacre                  If you're actually trying to get nauseous and
                                                                     seriously have your peace disturbed
Candy Man                                               either Texas chainsaw massacre or Candy man will
                                                                     Happily do that for you. Alfred Hitchcock's
FRENZY                                                    'Frenzy' is pretty unnerving too, as is SAW.

SAW

CARRIE                                         What girl could forget that mean tampon scene in Carry?
                                                              Mean AND gross. 'carrie' is a  classic.
The Mothman Prophecies        Me and mom saw this one together. mom being a devoted christian
                                                                  isnt a fan but she can hangout:) one of the few
                                                      times i got her to watch a movie that's scary on a
                                                      psychological level. Ingrid Cold is a scary character in
                                                    The mothman prophecies that you never see.
                                                    I recommend it  just for extreme discomfort and paranoia it triggers.
                                                                        
                                                                      
My Favorite Ghost movies include

Ghost                                         -Actors Patrick Sawyze and Demi moore were great here.
                                                     as was Whoopi Goldberg
White noise                                is a movie I watched with mommy and little bro.
                                                    with Michael Keaton in the lead.

I'd like to also include The emperors New groove in this mix. I NEED a laugh after a marathon horror night. 'Kuzco' and 'Kronk' are badass, voices by David spade, Legendary singer Eartha Kitt, John Goodman and Patrick  Warburton. My family is ALL about movies especially cartoons ...we never grow out of it:)





 and if you haven't followed the series, DEFF go get True Blood. There is all shades  of crazy
in that show:)                    

I'll follow up with ideas on to cook and bake for Halloween and cool drinks -i have a friend thats a badass bartender and she ALWAYS tells me about these cool drinks for Halloween so i'll share with ya asap!


What are your favorit movies? Hit me up on FB or on my Blog if you have any  and let me know:)
xoxo                                   




                                                                       

All those vibes

So i was talking to my friend about a year ago and just remembered the conversation the other day when i was writing. totally random.

So anyway,  we spoke about how to keep good energy in our home. so i decided to write a little piece about it and my thoughts around it. I'm a moody person by nature but honestly it just sucks on those days you cant figure out why you're having an off day and just want your home to comfort you. Most of the time when you have an off day...its JUST an off day and the next day whatever it was is gone right? those we cant do much about so this isn't my crazy experiment  about eliminating bad days forever. i don't even think that's possible lol
but i do have some thoughts about why that happens,

so Me and my friend spoke in depth about what we have in our homes...clothes, pictures...paintings...anything and started thinking..
Doesn't it make a difference if you put up a painting that was...say.. on a wall during the most horrible time of your life? even if it was in another house? what about the furniture? or the TV?
isn't it possible that looking or wearing these items may be triggering a reaction from you subconsciously?

just because YOU don't remember that certain items were around during difficult times of your life, it does not mean you forgot either, not entirely. I'm not stating this as facts I'm only a psychology fan but as far as i can tell no one has a full map on how we store memories.
 remember that the brain has the ability to block out hurtful memories.

I just think that we should be open to what we may not be seeing and do our best to live good, and at peace especially in our homes. I think we forget how powerful our mind is.

Lets take PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder).
Alot of soldiers and people in abusive situations suffer from this.
that can get so serious that your brain can be convinced that you are back to wherever it is you got traumatized.
Ever heard of broken heart syndrom? http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press_releases/2005/02_10_05.html

that's literally when your heart mimics a heart attack from emotional shock. yea.. You can literally die from a broken heart...if your trauma is strong enough. the show 'ER' did an episode about a woman who went to the E.R with her husband. The husband dies, she goes into extreme shock and gets BHS
that's LOVE.....but its also a reaction to your brain being unable to block, hide or trick you into survival mode.

Then think about all the ways when your brain TRIES to protect you but doesn't always go right:
 battered wife syndrome/Battered person syndrom

Basically its when you rationalize the situation you are in or are too paralyzed by fear to act. here are some of the reactions to BPS:

The abused believes that the violence was his or her fault.

The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.

The abused fears for his/her life and/or the lives of his/her children (if present).

The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.

 the abused 'believes' -again, your mind at work.

Which isn't miles away from 'stockholm syndrom' . its name is from a robbery in Stockholm Sweden in 1973. the victims became emotionally attached to their captors after being held for 6 days. sometimes as we also have seen in films, while its NOT OK to hurt people, the captors may have their reasons for robbing a bank so its not always an irrational thing for a human being to sympathise and understand another human beings desperation. not at all. But then sometimes...it kinda is freakin irrational. it really depends.


so the brain can do all of that right? and about a gazillion other things too.

So back to my point: don't you think items that were around during negative and difficult times of your life carry a vibe? don't you think your Mind picks up on that vibe on some level even if you don't. what if the vibe these items(s) carries isn't that strong...but on a day you are tired and sensitive..you'd pick up on it? possible?

so if you keep items that were around in the house you were unhappy in...or clothes you wore frequently when you were in a bad relationship perhaps...isn't it possible that they're a part of the seemingly 'out of the blue' bad days we have?
Am i suggesting that you get rid of things that were around during hard times even if its something that is a part of your home and makes you happy? not at all.

And I'm really not saying over analyze this to the point where you toss out complete unnecessary things JUST BECAUSE they were around during those times.
I'm saying...think about HOW what you Do have in your home, affects you. that's all. I doubt we ever do. I think we decorate our homes based on what looks good and on how we're influenced to decorated it. and that's really not a terrible thing lol but it could at the end of the day play a part in your own discomfort in your home. I also believe you can have a hard time feeling at home in your home if you had nothing to do with decorating it. but that's just what I BELIEVE. now this isn't with everyone, because some people really don't NEED to expand their mark on their walls and floors to feel 'at home'. I just think our mind works very hard to protect us from alot of things and that once you go home, you should be at peace.



just something to think about i guess.

Thanks for reading:) x

Rehearsal

Off to Rehearsal shortly....excited. I think singing is the best way to rid yourself of anxiety of any kind.Seriously, just sing your favorite song in the shower. it works:)

I usually sing either Dela by johnny clegg or Dream lover by mariah Carey  when its random..DL reminds me of my mom and bro and Dela just makes me smile when i sing it:)

Home remedies for swollen eyelids

OK so here are my favorite from this site: http://www.home-remedies-for-you.com/explore/swollen-eyelids.html

swollen eyelids

The problem of swollen eyelids is quite a common one, in people of all ages. Swollen eyelids are most often a result of water retention around the eyes, when you are resting or are asleep. However, there could be other causes of swollen eyelids too, which include high blood pressure, allergies, the use of make up, dermatitis, contact lenses and so on. Although it is best to visit a doctor in case of swollen eyelids, there are several home remedies that you could try at home. Some of the most effective home remedies for swollen eyelids are:

• Soak a tea bag in water for fifteen minutes and then squeeze the extra water out. Then place the tea bag in the refrigerator for about an hour. You could use a tea bag to prepare your tea and then retain the bag, instead of throwing it away. Take the cold tea bag and apply it on your swollen eyelids for around ten minutes of so, to reduce the swelling. Green tea and black tea both contain caffeine and tannic acid that work wonders in eliminating water retention and swelling. Chamomile tea can also be used for its soothing properties and the antioxidants it contains helps in reducing the inflammation.

• Cut a cold cucumber into slices and apply them on your eyelids for at least ten minutes. Cucumber is high in water, silicon, caffeine acid and ascorbic acid help in reducing water retention and moisturizing the skin, when applied topically.

• Dip a swab of cotton in ice water and squeeze the water out lightly. Close your eyes and place the cold and moist cotton swab over your swollen eyelids for ten minutes. The cold constricts the blood vessels in your eyelids and reduces the swelling.

omg...REALLY??!

ya....I present to you...what i woke up with yesterday morning.

today its gotten even bigger lol. its NOT like i got things to do and need to NOT weird people out when i take off my shades. ugghh!!!
Mom and I have always had these random....eye infections. That sounds gross lol but my left eye is just swollen...no weird gooey stuff is coming out or anything THANK GOODNESS. my eyes are both ok...so yupp its that same ol eye swelling i have been lucky enough not to deal with for about 2 years. DANG!

:( I just KNOW I'm gonna be so self conscious and   be fidgeting more than usual thanks to this. ... Seriously, why not on my days off? WHY?

obviously this is not the end of the world, there are people with real problems today. I am being a spoiled princess...fully aware. just ...annoyed.

Nothing Johnny clegg cant fix...'DELA'!!!

?

I think the world is changing again. good or bad?

Home spa:)))

I've become obsessed with taking care of my skin and body lately. its important to include here though that i don't stress about my weight and don't think women should either unless something really is wrong. I've always been quite skinny and have never had to struggle with my weight unless when i feel I've been too skinny which my girlfriends don't think is a problem lol. but it can be.  same way people worry that taking one more bite of that cake may go straight to your hips, I sometimes am concerned that missing a lunch will shave another few pounds off of me. so if anything I may stress over that but i definitely don't give the issue of my weight too much thought.

 I'm also from a culture that celebrates food and eating. I was raised to feel that women are supposed to be a bit curvy and have some weight on them and that we're supposed to enjoy our curves.
anyways, so my diet has had to change a bit so i can maintain a more fuller figure since i am naturally petite. and I've had to even put it in the calender so my phone goes off when its time to eat something because i forget. alot. ESPECIALLY when i have alot to do. and then i look like a corpse after a while which is just...not good. on this pic to the left i think im good, i usually am a bit skinnier though and THAT looks nasty lol.

So i started eating better to improve that but i also want my skin to be healthy nurtured and soft.
I started researching it and there were just so many treatments. Both online and in different health books. My focus is to keep ,my body healthy as much as i can. Im an actress and a singer..so this really is my main instrument in my profession. all sources agree that water is Nr 1. your skin needs it, and its essential as a singer or actor - vocal cords vibrate against each other to produce sound and the throat needs to be humid and lubricated for that.
alot of people already know this, but in case you don't, here are some tips for your hair,body and face as well as dry feet. these are my favorite from a number of different home spa treatments you can find online and they WORK.


Hair:
1 Banana mixed in 4tsp olive oil.

OR

4 tsp Olive oil and Avocado 1

BODY
The avocado and olive oil works
for your body as well but if you are
using it as a body mask you'll need more
like 6tsp olive oil and 1 avocado.
mix it and apply to your body. I would put a couple of towels
on your bed and enjoy and movie so it can work on your
skin for at least an hour or two. I've had it on all day...olive oil is magic
for your skin.

Another idea is milk. take a bath maybe once a month
in milk. Heat the milk with honey if you want and fill your bathtub in it.
stay in there for about 30 minutes (you could always reheat it some with hot water)

My third one that i would do as often as possible is honey and brown sugar.
AMAZING for your face and body.
2tsp honey and 1tsp sugar for your face AND neck (melt they honey by putting the honey into hot water before pouring it out)

FACE
yogurt
egg whites+honey for a fresh feel to your skin.

feet
for dry or cracked heels either use olive oil, honey or Vaseline generously before
covering your feet with socks for the night. this feels so amazing
and your feet get SO SOFT!

here is another tip i came across online. Now i barely have boobs so i cant try this,
but egg and cucumber mixed makes a great mask for breasts that are sagging  need an update:) you leave it on for half an hour and wash it off in the shower. Massaging your breasts regularly with olive oil or ice is supposed to help firm them as well! lol

Its a joy to try these out at home when there is time so i'll try to do posts like these more. I know its not always easy to find the time. to mix sugar and honey takes 2 minutes...and with the yogurt its just a matter of applying it. doing one or the other every other day or so does so much for your skin.  Do you have any suggestions for home spa treatments  that work? lemme know either on FB or on the blog! x

xoxoxo

self growth and fire alarms.

A few months ago I made a decision. I will do everything i can to keep a negative feeling from overwhelming me but resisting the urge to snap at something that's frustrating you is almost....like going through detox (no idea what detoxing is like BTW but i have friends and loved ones that have) its REALLY HARD! I should explain that i was never the type to snap out of thin air. I'm the type that has an overreaction to something. I don't start drama, but i take things personal then it just sits there in my mind and hurts me while people move on. its not healthy.
So, quitting 'cold turkey' was not an option. i started slowly. i tried to smile when i draw a breath to say something snappy. It could be that the girl in the store is talking on the phone instead of looking at me when I'm paying. it could be the kitchen getting my order wrong AND having an attitude about it.....see what i mean? that stuff sets me off really quick

its not pretty or tuff or sexy. just annoying, and not too good for me as a person cause in the moment...i feel like i can take on ANYONE. Self control is gracious and sign of growth. Loosing your temper easily simply displays immaturity.
But I've also noticed that me being ill tempered has had to do with my trouble with sleeping. I've had insomnia since i was 12. If its insomnia week i will sleep a few hours every 2 days at most and that's now that im better. So sleep is definitely something i don't take for granted.

Which brings me to today writing this post. Very recently, the fire alarm went off where i hide out to work on my music. There is space for me to rest in there and i have neighbors that reside in that building. this particular week had been crazy, i mean SUPER busy. Busy with music which is AMAZING and wonderful but point is, I'm exhausted because on top of the fact that the week was packed with commitments, it was also insomnia week.

i have a routine where i listen to music, take a bath and have some tea. if i don't manage to fall asleep from that the routine at least gets me very relaxed and that's better than nothing. BUT the more i have been praying and meditating, the calmer my mind gets. and sometimes i get calm enough and tired enough from the combination of the meditation, bath and tea that i doze of...yay for me :)

so imagine putting this effort in hopes of even an hour of sleep when....the fire alarm goes off. i mean i was on clouds and then this Piercing aggravating sound from the pits of HELL yanked me out of my sleep. not only that, the ringing in my ears was so loud my EYES were reacting. I went postal. I mean the rage i felt....i even had a moment where i was thinking being this angry about this is not normal. but i really just couldn't believe this was happening when i was finally going to get some rest. I stepped out and was about to rip that fucking fire alarm off of the wall. and honestly, i wouldn't have felt bad about it if i had succeeded. I'm not an idiot, i know its there to protect me and I'm glad its that damn loud in case there ever is a fire. But there wasn't, it was going OFF and my ears were hurting and so were my eyes! and no one knew how to turn it off.

oh, as if the situation wasn't annoying enough my new lenses bother me and i had forgotten to take them off when i was dozed off so not only do i wake up to this annoying alarm that's so excruciatingly piercing you wanna kill whoever invented the damn fire alarm, my eyes were burning me from all effin directions...the sound and my lenses! it was just such an impossibly uncomfortable situation it did not feel real.
longer story short (lol) there i was trying to murder the fire detector and let me just say if i had had a bat nearby or if that detector had been anywhere closer within my reach, it woulda been the last time it went off.not.even.kidding.
with all of this said it was a good chance to see where i am in my growth. I'm glad that it took this much..random discomfort (lol) for me to have a strong reaction and get overwhelmed.I've definitely learned to shake off things of people that i feel provoke me and i only make the effort because most of the time people don't notice when they're are stepping out of line or really should mind their own business. but if it happens too many times then obviously a conversation or something needs to play out but I'm finding peace in my decisions to let small things go. I'm trying to mature into an adult i can be proud of. lashing out is not cute. its that simple. people definitely try me but then again, i don't really look like i bite do i? lol. I guess I'm just hoping we all reach a point where we weight our words and actions more.. so we don't bring out the worst in one another. and I'd really like to be able to have enough self distance to 'check' myself, when I'm out of line. Of course, i always have a family ready to do that FOR ME...in case i fail lol. xo

Houdini

I'm not surprised people are so angry at the world. Being bullied in school or your work place creates nothing but rage. being hostile and dismissive to someone who did you no harm and is just trying to be a part of your circle is nothing but petty and cruel. you gain nothing from being cruel to anyone.

you have no idea what people are going through in private everyday. A sick wife/husband, an abusive situation at home...money problems..all of the above...you never know. one more cruel word could be all it takes to create a killer out of someone who is the most peaceful person. think before you speak always.

another thing that's been on my mind lately is the word 'friend'. i feel people misuse the word alot. FB is a portal of endless amount of potential life long friends which is great. not talking about that. im talking about people you actually go to lunch with and spend time with. bottom line is close friends (and good friends) check up on you always. be aware and notice who asks you how you are, and if people make the same effort to spend time with you the way you do with them. if they don't, just pull a houdini when they decide they suddenly have time for you lol. lets face it...if you havent spoken to someone for over 2 months or so....ya it DOES happen with close friends...but ..idk. for my friends that read my posts here...im trying to update you on my thoughts as they come along. i feel the best way to grow is to share our thoughts.  dont take BS from anyone. be well spoken and strong and UNAFRAID. dont ever say anything cruel unless provoked.
lets not create killers out of people who are nothing of the sort. and lets not call people who aren't our friends 'friends'.

two kinda separate points, i know lol. but its how they came to me.
LOVE is whats gonna be the end of evil.

Saturday, music & those damn chains.

As im writing lyrics today. I'm going over all these chapters in my life...and im getting very alert about the fact that I'm here NOW. I'm trying to love 'now' instead of being stuck in a moment or feel anxiety or regret over past mistakes. and that means I'm growing both in maturity and wisdom, and that's huge for me.
I always wondered why it just felt so good after writing a very personal song (or painting, or writing a story) and I've recently realized its that I'm putting the emotions down on paper. I'm relieving myself of the burden  and pain and putting it in a musical diary.

So i wanted to suggest...even if you're not a writer or don't consider yourself to be creative at ALL i wanna first say, i very much doubt that. everyone is good at something. being creative means is the ability to create. To me, if you're very good at loving, very good at being a good friend...that's the ability to create a bond. Many men suffer from lack of this ability lol.
 JOKING! (sorta).  everyone can create. With that said, I wanted to suggest that you write letters to yourself.

im sure im not the first to suggest this but, write a letter with all the weight that's on you. name all the things that trouble your mind. all the mistakes you think you made, anything that's giving you anxiety,fear, or sadness. write it down.
Id suggest doing this after you've had a moment with yourself about being true about this. we're very skilled in deceiving people and ourselves when it comes to feelings. Say "im going to write down whats troubling me'.

After you have written it down, take about 15 minutes where you either take a shower or have some tea. meditate while doing either. quiet your mind.
Then before looking at the paper again understand that there are things you can change and there are things you cant. Face yourself, don't be scared, deal with the things on that list.
pick one point on that list. if its a wrong you've done someone you no longer can reach out to and apologize, write a letter apologizing. commit though, if this person is still around...I'd contact them.
channel your inner Earl ( for those of you who don't get this, I'm referring to the TV show 'my name is Earl' who's character writes a list and goes and makes amends with everyone on that list. hopefully yours isn't as long lol)

Just make amends. it really shouldn't be something people do only moments before they die. whats the bravery in that? its certainly honorable but if you have the wisdom to do it waaaay before, then by all means, do get to it waaay before your time is up....yes?
if the person no longer is with us, i would write a very sincere letter and burn  it. No one needs to see your list or your mistakes. its not about embarrassing yourself its about genuinely making peace with your mistakes and the people they may have affected. I think one of the hardest things to do is forgive yourself.
I JUST read a tweet from a friend who likes to post really interesting quotes. Today one of the quotes were 'many people have gone further than they thought they could, because someone else thought they could' free yourself from chains linked to past mistakes and negativity by facing them. you will make more mistakes, you're human. But if you can get rid of some bagage and emotional distress...why not do it?

 move forward. Be strong.

Song of the day : Gabrielle 'Dreams'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O02kxh5NMSI
mom introduced me to this song. we used to dance to it infront of the tv :)

Music, Film & Love

I find it a bit sad that when I wanna watch a romantic movie I always go  at least 5 years back.. but even that is rare. More like 10-20 years. I just feel like they were so much better then and its not even that long ago. If you know any REALLY good, relatively new romantic movies let me know. . I'm an actress, scriptwriter, singer and songwriter...and i love each art form equally. So when I'm writing say... a song thats supposed to be romantic and loving i like to watch movies that help my creative process and i draw inspiration from them. yes, i can write from my own experience but sometimes its also good step out of yourself and just create.
im noticing I'm resorting to watching alot of the same movies (which i don't mind) but it lead to the thought....is the film industry running out of script writers or original ideas? I feel like alot of the romantic comedies are being remade over and over again with different actors. Same effin ending where the man is chasing the woman to tell her he just realized he loves her. I don't know about you but....no one really chases my freaking cab going 'Haileeeeeeee....don't get on the plane, I LOVE YOU!!!". and if takes u THAT long to realize u love me we're kinda looking at a rocky future....yes? I dunno, to each his/her own on that. yea ...sometimes the whole 'better late than never thing' is cute...but not everytime..right? Im not trying to even act like i don't appreciate a nice simple romantic comedy where its just not that serious, along with the mandatory cab chasing ending... but its a problem when you cant find a movie that is serious. Here are some of my favorite movies:

 L'ultimo Bacio-an Italian film directed by Gabriele Muccio released in 2001, starring Giovanna Mezzogiorno and Martina Stella.

 This movie is charming in so many ways. its not overly serious but its got heart. its 4 men's perspective on love which they remade with American actors although the original was not old and pretty damn good.a sequel to it called Baciami ancora was released in 2010. cant really speak on the sequel yet...i hesitate with sequels, but the first one is good.

 Unfaithful- an american film directed by Adrian Lyne released in 2002. Diane Lane, Richard Gere and Oliver Martinez star.

Before Sunrise American film directed by Richard Linklater released in 1995. Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply star.
its sequel before sunset was released in 2004. Little Children An American film released in 2006 starring kate winslet and Patrick Wilson. Directed by Todd Field.

Volver  released in 2006, Directed by Pedro Almodovar and starring Penelope Cruz. This was recommended to me by My mom actually, and its a really good Spanish movie. 
The Godfather  1972 directed by frances ford coppola has its share of minor 'love stories' within the story which i really like.

If you have any suggestions for nice romantic films, in Any language, old or new...please do let me know:) Welcome to my blog xoxo